Lesson Learned

How many skeletons do you have in your closet? How many secrets do you plan to take with you to the grave? Does it matter how many, or does it depend on how big the secret is? You want to know what I think? I think we all have secrets, some of them are about other people, and some of them are about ourselves. But most of our secrets comes from something we did that we are ashamed of, or regret. Most of my secrets are about other people because they tell me them. But what I notice is that when they tell me a personal secret about themselves, they also tell me how ashamed they are, and place judgment on themselves. This is something I never do because no one is perfect. I may do something completely stupid and out of my character, and believe me I have, but I know who I am and what I did was a simple mistake. You live, you learn, and you move on, that simple. Life does not have a remote where you can pause or rewind time. Even when you did something really bad, forgive yourself, but just understand that karma is real and we always pay for our wrongs, even if its years later. But sometimes it is just a lesson learned.

The Little Woman Who Could

A little woman is sitting on a bench on a cold snowy winter day waiting for the bus. All of a sudden she notice a car trying to move from its parked area on the side of the street, but it was stuck in the snow because as the driver would hit the gas pedal, the wheels on the car would just be turning and not moving the car. The little woman sat and watched as the driver would try to drive over the snow that was causing the issue, hoping the car would make it out. The driver then got out of the car, and tried to push it out of the area it was stuck in. It was a man and he tried to push the car by himself but he could not move it, so he asked a man that was standing near by to help him push it. The man said "I'm sorry but I sprain my wrist so I cant help you push your car". The man then asked a woman he saw crossing the street to help him push his car out. The woman said " I'm sorry but I am anemic and I have not ate any food all day, I have to get something to eat or I will pass out". The man then looked around and saw the little woman sitting on the bench, he walked over and asked her if she could help him push his car out. The little woman said " I think I can". The man got in his car and hit the gas pedal as he instructed the little woman to push the car as hard as she could. As he hit the gas pedal, the little woman pushed as hard as she could while saying to herself " I think I can, I think I can, I think I can". All of a sudden the car was able to roll over the area it was stuck in. The man then got of his car to thank the little woman with a hug. The little woman reached in her pocket to pull out her inhaler, she had asthma. The man said " If I knew you had asthma, I would have not let you push my car. How come you did not tell me?" The little woman said " I may be sick, but if I think I can do something, then I should at least try". The man smiled and thank the little woman again as she walked away saying to herself " I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could".

Does this story sound a little familiar? It's just my version of "The Little Engine That Could". A popular children story that represents one overcoming what may seem like an impossible task. In my version, the little engine is the little woman, who has a medical condition. But notice the man and woman who were also asked to help had medical conditions also, but they did not believe they could do it. The little woman had something the man and woman did not have, she had belief and determination.

I'm Blessed

You know how they say keep the faith and trust and believe in God and everything will be okay? Well what if it is not that simple? What if we depend on God so much that we don't realize he is trying to help us through a struggle, but we are just not getting the memo? But the amazing thing about God, is that he has the power to show you who is God. I personally believe we should never question him. I struggle everyday with my illness and I never ask him "why me?" Every now and then, I find a few tears roll down my face when I notice a change in my mobility, for example weakness in my arms. I may notice a little more struggle in doing a daily routine. As I start to tear up, I simply ask God to give me the strength, that's all. No need for me to be all dramatic and let others know my illness is getting worse. I already know the outcome of my disease. Progressive muscle weakness, I'm going to get weaker, I know this, am I scared? No, I'm terrified. But come on, I live with a terminal illness so I'm suppose to live in fear? God does not want me to be scared, he want me to be strong. There is like over a million of people with disabilities that are very much worse than mines. Okay, so I have severe breathing problems and my life expectancy is no older than 30. I'm suppose to let that bring me down when there are little children that have not even made it to see 10? I don't have to live to be an old woman, to be considered blessed. I'm here right now, beautiful, intelligent, loving, and brave....I'm blessed. 

Let Go

And there he was, in the lake. And even though he knew how to swim and did not need to be saved, in my eyes he was drowning. He wanted me to save him so I reached my arm out and told him to grab my hand. He looked at me and understood what I was saying, but completely ignored me. Then I realize he was starting to drift further away from me, so I leaned over as far as I could and grabbed his arm and used all my strength to pull him towards me. But for some reason he would not move, it was as if he was stuck to something. So I held on to him for as long as I could, but I ran out of strength and let go of him. I started to cry because I felt like he was about to drown and it was all my fault because I could have did something else to save him. All of sudden he started to swim away. I was confused because if he had the ability to swim away, why did he not swim towards me? Why did he let me think he needed to be saved if he didn't? I don't know, but I stood there and watched him swim away until I could no longer see him.

This is usually how my relationship goes. For some reason I keep holding on to him, thinking he needs me, calling him and reaching out my hand for him to grab. He hear me calling him and see my hand reaching towards him, but he ignores it. So I grab him anyways, not realizing that he does not need me, and if he wanted to he could of came my way. I give all my strength to hold on to him, but he end up leaving. Remember I knew he was able to swim, but in my eyes I seen him drowning. That's because love is vision impaired. Others say love is blind, but blindness is a complete loss of sight. When we are in love, we are aware of the reality of the situation, but do we care? No, because we let our emotions control our actions. We believe what we want to believe. So do we not believe we deserve the best? Why do we put in more energy than the other to save the relationship? The answer is simple....LOVE. We love and we love hard. But we also learn, we learn from every experience. No woman, or man for that matter should beg to be loved. I think the most important thing I learned about love is about loving God and myself. See when you love God, you believe in love, you believe he has someone special for you. And when you love yourself, you know your worth, you know you deserve the best and willing to give your best. No one is perfect, and don't set your standards high if you are not on that level yourself. Ladies, stop saying you want a man with a lot of money, nice car, big house, this and that, when you have none of that. Yes you can aim for the best, but are you giving your best? Men, go ahead and aim for the girl with the best body and pretty face, and watch how she change and her looks fade after a couple of years. Life is as hard as we make it, so please LIVE, LOVE, and LET GO!

Follow Your Heart

Every now and then, I stop and I think about my future, but even though I do a lot of wishful thinking, I also know I have many struggles ahead of me. Not just with my health, even though that will be the main struggle, but with family, friends, choices, change, relationships, emotions, and pain. Every now and then I will experience happiness, but my vision says that my happiness will be powerful than my struggles. Maybe that's why I keep believing in myself. I think I have what it take to make it, and notice I said "think" a person that truly believe in their self will say I know I have what it takes to make it. I'm trying so hard to change that "think" into "know" but there will always be doubt as long as I have this illness. That does not mean I will give up. My biggest fear is failure, but my second biggest fear is regret. What if I am someone special, someone that will make a major change in life, someone that will touch the heart and souls of millions? The funny thing is, I actually believe I am that special. Special like Micheal Jackson who touched people with his is music. Special like Michelangelo who touched people with his art. Special like Martin Luther King Jr who touched people with his belief and incredible words. Special like Helen Keller who broke through barriers with her disability. Or special like President Barack Obama, who did what millions thought would never happen and became the first African American president. What if I have the potential and power to be that special, but choose to give up instead? And that is what I fear everyday....giving up, because as my fear forms the tears that rolls down my face, my brain tells me to wipe the tears away, and my heart tells me to never give up....And you know what they say....#FollowYourHeart

I Know Who I Am

As many of you who may not know....I am in a wheelchair. Yes, I can not walk, and may never walk again for the rest of my life. And that common question I get, Where you in an accident? Well....No I was not. I was born with a very rare genetic disorder called Pompe disease. And because I look different, I believe that is why people consider me different. However, that is not why I consider myself different. I consider myself different based on many factors, and being disabled just happens to be one of those factors. What I really love about myself is how I am able to look at things in a different way. I know this may sound a little weird, and you might not understand why I would think this, but I actually thank God for giving me this disability. The reason why is because it really is a blessing in disguise. Not to say that my life is all peaches and cream because lets be honest, I struggle everyday, and my worst days are yet to come. But hear me out....It wasnt untill my early teens when my health started to fade. You see I know exactly the kind of person I am, or shall I say would of been, if I didnt go through what I went through. I would of been one of those girls that grows up too fast, partying, drinking, drugs, sex, causing trouble. How do I know? Because these are the things I wanted to do. But I ended up watching my friends do it instead, and me....I ended up staying at home studying and dealing with my health. But you want to know the outcome of all this?
Well my friends ended up with bad grades, drama, and babies. And me, I ended up a college student and a strong little woman. But the best part, I learned so much about myself and what I want out of life, while my friends are still trying to find out who they are and what they want. I know who am, a strong woman that has a battle to fight everyday, and plan to keep fighting. I know what I want, to inspire, help people, bring happiness, laughter, change lives, by all means MAKE A DIFFERENCE....

Believe In Yourself

Tonight is the premiere of the 2013 Grammy Awards, and as I am watching, seeing all the people we refer to as "Stars" perform and recieve their adwards, this amazing question entered my mind....Why cant that be me?
But see we ask ourselves questions we already know the anwser to, it's not me because I have not made an album and sold over a million copies, or made a hit record, or even made a difference by touching someone life. My point is, you will never be that person you watch and admire on tv, you can only be you. That doesnt mean you cant have their same success, but instead of wanting everything they have, try wanting more. #BelieveInYourself